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Saturday, March 15, 2008

Separation Anxiety

Traveled to Texas from Wed to Friday on business. The kids saw me on wednesday morning, when I dropped them off, and got to see me again only last night when they woke up in the middle of their sleep.

Why is this a big deal in today's small world where our jobs take us to all parts of the globe on a routine basis?

Well, this is the first time daddy did not put the little one to bed, since she was BORN! Jr. went through the same thing three years ago when Daddy went to Minnesotta for a whole week. She lost a few pounds, managed to lose her voice just by non stop screaming. The two things that mitigated the side effects at the time were, my parents were here to give her extra attention and she was not talking that well. She was only 16 months old.

This time, Jr. adapted well. She talked to me on the speaker phone. Said she missed me and wanted me to come back, and understood that Daddy will come back.

The little one on the other hand, just went beserk. Even after I was back, she did not know how to accept me! She woke up at 1:00 AM and did not know if it was really daddy who had appeared on the bed. She had delayed the bedtime in hopes of daddy arriving on time, but the flight did not co-operate.

To check and confirm she sent daddy through the usually expected tasks, much along the lines of Hercules being sent on errands.

Daddy Paal (milk)
Daddy Dipee (change my diaper)
Daddy mook (get a tissue and blow my nose)
Daddy Valikaadhu (I have pain) give me medicine (!!!!)
Daddy mudugu (give me a back rub)
Daddy I am scared (this means I have to take her to the pooja shelf and put some ash on her forehead)

Daddy would normally not complain for this, were it not for the fact that he had got up from bed at 5:30AM in Texas (which was 3:30AM California time) and it was a loooong day with a three hour flight staying in the air for four hours! Also there was no break time between the tasks. It was practically back to back errands. Finally she slept at 3:00 AM.

The hope is that she will get used to dad's disappearences and reappearences with time, now that she knows that the guy actually does show up after a few days! She is probably going to hate the word "Texas" without ever actually going there, much like how San hates Minnesotta without ever having visited the place. Used to leave San all alone and disappear for a week at a time when we were just married. San has not forgotten.

The little one is her normal smiling self again. However she is extremely clingy with daddy. Even if dad goes to the bathroom we hear the "Please take me with you daddy!". Based on previous experience with Jr., this phase will last at least a few days.

This post is specially for the Little one. Remember, if some day you disappear on me for days on end when you are in high school or college and you are wondering what all the fuss is and why daddy is all worried, READ THIS POST, to see what you did when daddy went away for a few days!


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I am not responsible for comments posted by others... At 8:53 AM, Anonymous Sivajini wrote...

Aww that's so sweet.
Even sweeter because your thinking of the future and telling her what she was like and asking her to understand your future feelings.

One of my earliest memories I have is checking my dad and making sure he was my real daddy. I went as far as touching his head and making sure it was really him. The fact that my dad had been really sick and lost weight didn't help his cause.

I am not responsible for comments posted by others... At 6:20 AM, Blogger dipali wrote...

So sweet. Yes, children can really have very deep seated fears of somehow losing their dear ones.
Even as a purportedly grown up woman, I was far happier after seeing my husband's place of work, because I was then able to visualise him there.

I am not responsible for comments posted by others... At 10:40 PM, Blogger Sundar Narayanan wrote...

sivajini, dipali, thanks for the comment.

1. just because I am the one leaving does not mean I dont miss the family any less. somehow in the one vs. many, this is always lost. when I came to the USA my entire family would claim to miss me and act as though I dont have the same feelings

2. the fear is the same for both of us..



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