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Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Todays South Indian Arranged Marriage . .

This is a "Tanglish" Post. I usually post only in English. Non Tamil/Tanglish readers please skip the Tanglish section (in red) and directly to the English translation at the end of the post...

A Note : I usually dont write in this style. This is based on a recent post by Raju on a relationship that starts between Bloggers . . This style of writing has been inspired by Raju and Ferrari.

The typical arranged marriage that happens today between girls in India and guys in the United States has the following steps :

1. Girls / guys parents give her horoscope to a temple or matching service
2. Some astrologers match it independently for the girls parents and the guys parents.
3. One of the parents contacts the other and lets them know of the match and a phone or personal meeting of parents takes place.
4. Photos are exchanged
5. Assuming that the photos make the approval listing of everyone in the boys/ girls family circle (including the nosy neighbours) and assuming that there are no ill omens like dogs barking, black cats crossing front yard, while the girls photo is being reviewed by superstitious family the photos are actually sent by the parents to the actual boy and girl
6. girl usually says "i can do better", boy "drools" and then a pre meeting is arranged by phone or you guessed it, E-MAIL.
7. The guy always calls girl after sending her an email (she could reject him by email - especially true if girl is already in the United States studying or working and is drooling at some other guy at work/ college and doesnt have the guts to tell her parents!)
8. If happy with phone conversation, they agree to meet when boy shows up in India or if both of them are in the United States, they meet at the girls friends/relatives place where the boy can go through some hazing, and gets to talk to girl face to face for maybe an hour max..
9. Finally if they are both okay, then the marriage is fixed.

PLEASE, as most of you know, my marriage experience spanned 14 days from meeting girl to getting married to getting her back to United States with me on a valid visa (I believe that it is some kind of record !!).. So most of the above mentioned items on the list are things that have happened to friends and relatives.

There is a modern twist to this setup as I have witnessed recently.

TANGLISH SECTION:

Boys parents are meeting girls parents after the horoscope matching and the photo of the girl is okay with boys parents and vice versa..

Boys mother : Hello, sowkiyama ?


Girls mother : ahh. Nalla irukkom. Unga phone message kidaichchudu. Romba sandhosham

Boys father : Aaamam.. engalukku ponnoda photo romba pudichchuduththu.. lakshanama lakshmi katakshama irukka. Jeans T-shirt mattume podaama pudavai katta kooda theriyum pola irukke.. romba sandhosham. indha kaalaththula yaaru ippidi pudavai photoum anuppara ?

Girls father : Romba pugazhadeengo Sir. Engalukkum unga payyan photo romba pudichchu pochchu.. Indha kaalaththu pasanga america pona udaneye kaadhula oru kadukkan, hippyattum thalai mudinnu maaridaraanga.. mukkavasi parents kudukkara photo ellam pasanga India-laye college padikkumbodhu eduththadhu. Americavula friendsa vittu vijarikka sonna, payyan "Beetles"la vara John Lennon madhiri irukkangara !! Unga payyan ippovum sushtuva irukkane ! adha sollungo.

Boys mother : Seeri, enga payyan aduththa maasam memorial day weekend podhu India varennu solli irukkan. Appo ponnayum payyanaiyum meet panna sollalame !

Boys father : Adhukku munnadi engallukku oru request. Edhukkum payyanum ponnum oruththarukku oruththar phoneo, emailo pannikattume.. avaalukkulla pesa vendiya vishayam niraya irukkum.. Indha kaalaththu pasanage.. he he..

Girls father : Adhukkenna.. Besha panniudalaame.. Unga kitta onnu sollanum.. naanga ponnu kitta erkanave payyan photova kaamichchom. . avalukku photo okay dhan..

Boys mother :(with sheepish grin) Naangalum actually payyanukku photova email pannittom.. avanukkum okay dhan.

Girls mother : Apparom enna. . romba nalladha pochchu. Indhango, enga ponnoda email address. Idhu avaloda girls hostel phone. Indha numbera koopituttu yaar eduththalum room 5'la irukkara gita-va koopidungonnu sonna, ava poi koopiduva. Indha numberla privacy kadaiyadhu.. apparoma vena unga payyana local phone boothla koopida sollungo.

Boys father : Adhellam neenga sollave vendam.. ava paththuppa !

Girls father : Innoru vishayam. Pona maasam, ava best friend americalendhu vandha. Ava kuda unga payyan orulaye dhan irukka, pona varusham dhan kalyaanam agi anga pona. Ava kitta en ponnukkum jadagam pakkaromnnu sonappa, Edho "blog"aame.. En ponnu kooda adhellam ezhudharaalam. Engalukke theriyaadhu.. "Payyan veetu kaaranga vandha indha addressa kudungo, romba helpfulla irukkum"nnu sonna.. Idhayum vachchukkongo.

Boys father : (alarm bells ringing on noticing the fact that there are people close to the girl who will unleash the detective service on his boy!).. Seri, seri, adhukkenna, kudungo.. payyana vittu paakka sollaren.. enga veetuleyum internet access ellam kidayadhu.. naangale, internet cafe poi dhan photova avanukku email panninom.

Scene Shift to Boys parents home :

mom : enna, idhu enna blog-keegunnu.. ponnnu edhukkaga thanna paththiye ezhudikkanum. adhan appa amma jadhagam paththu azhaga kalyanam panni vekkaraale ?

dad : summa irudi..enna ezhudi irukkanne theriyama eppidi solla mudiyum. ava etho ezhudharannu dhane sollara.. thanakke payyana pakkara ? ehdavadhu velai paththi ille cinema vimarsanam edhavadhu ezhudharalo ennamo ?? yaaru kanda..

mom : illenna.. naan sollaren. edukkum indha alliance vishayaththulla konjam jaakaradhaiyave iruppom. ponna paththi innum konjam theera visarikkalamonnu thonudhu.. namma gobalu ponnu banglorela dhane irukka.. avala vena poi ponna paathu pesittu vara sollalama..

dad : nee vera. avan ponne sari illennu naan ninaikkaren. idhula avala poi ivala paarunnunndu.. adhellam onnum vendam.

mom : nammale pesaama internet cafe poi indha "blog" la enna ezhudharaanu pappoma..

dad : naalaikku pakkalam. mudhalla payyana koopittu, email, phone, address ellam kuduththudalam..

Phones Boy in US : Hello, ambi ?

guy : ennappa.. ippidi ardha raaththirila kooptu kazhuththa arukkare ? pona vaarame sonnene, daylight savings time adjust panna porannu.. marandhuttiya ?

dad : sorry da. irukkara excitementla 1 1/2 hour add pannaraththukku badhila subtract pannitten !! ippo ange enna mani ?

guy : aaamam. romba thevai ippo. mani 3 aaradhu. enna vishayam sollu..

dad : ponnu veetu kaarangaloda pesinom. avalukku ellam okay.

guy : (wide awake now) ponnukku photo okay-va ?

dad : okay-nnu sollittalam da.

guy : phone email edhavadhu.... (pauses)

dad : aamam, kuduthirukka. indha ezhudikko..

guy : (hears mom giving some sermon to dad in background).. amma enna nai nainngara backgroundla.. edhavadhu problema ? ammavukkum ponnu okay dhane (realizing that moms okay is by far the biggest item on the checklist)..

dad : adhellam onnum illeda.. iru.. avale phonea pudungara.. neeye pesikko..

mom : dai ambi. kelambarththukku munnadi ponnoda appa , ava edho "blog" edudharaannu sonnar da.. adha paththi dhan konjam yosanai.

guy : (VERY WIDE AWAKE NOW !!) Appadiya. Idhukkellam kavalai padadhamma. ippo college padikkarava paadhi per blog ezhudhara.. nee kavalai padara levelukku onnum illai.. (then realizing that he should not sound too happy on phone on the news of girls blogging, similar to him not openly expressing happiness on girls photo with jeans and t-shirt) edukkum andha addressa kudu.. naane poi pakkaren. enakkum ponnu enna pannarannu theriyum. nalladha pochchunnu ninaichchukko.. mudhalliye sariya varadhunna sollidaren. . edhukku phone email ellam panni timea waste pannanum..

mom : (alarm bells ringing on fact that guy took it a lot less seriously than she thought he would).. seri, ungappa kitta phonea kudukkaren..

dad : idhudhan address.. dream_girl.blogspot.com nnu sonna.

boy : idhellam parava ille appa. indha kalaththula ellarum oru screen name vachchu dhan blog ezhudaraanga.. bayappadathe..

dad : (now really worried).. enda. nee edhavadhu blog geeg vaichirukkiya ?

boy : (who realizing this is getting out of hand).. aayyaiyyo.. adhellam onnum kidayadhu. niraya friends blog ezhudhara.. appappo poi ava enna ezhudharannu padippen.. enakku edhu idhukkellam time ? Serippa.. kaarththalai velaikku kilambanum.. pudhu deadline vera irukku.. india trip vera varadhu.. phonea vachchudaren. .

dad : seri. poi thoongu.. naalaikku raaththiri koopidaren.

At this point the boy looks at the clock.. it is 3:30 AM. He goes staight to his computer and types "dream_girl.blogspot.com"...



ENGLISH TRANSLATION:
Boys parents are meeting girls parents after the horoscope matching and the photo of the girl is okay with boys parents and vice versa..

Boys mother : Hello, hope all is well ?

Girls mother : ahh. We are all fine . Got your phone message. Extremely happy!!

Boys father : Yeah.. We really liked the girls photo .. she is not just good looking. she has a godly face.. Looks like she wears not just a Jeans T-shirt but sari's as well.. very happy to know that your daughter can actually wear a sari.. these days, we hardly get photos of girls wearing sari's?

Girls father : You are praising her too much, Sir. We liked your boys photo as well .. As soon as they go to america boys these days start wearing an earring on one ear, and grow their hair like hippies.. Most of the photos that boys parents give us were actually taken when the boys were still attending college in India !! When we ask our friends in America to inquire about the boy, they tell us that the boy looks like John Lennon from "Beetles" !! Your boy still looks normal, and that is a relief !

Boys mother : Okay, our boy has promised to come to India next month during his memorial day weekend. We can ask the boy and girl to meet then !

Boys father : We have a request prior to the boy meeting girl.. Why not let the boy and girl talk or email each other beforehand.. they will have different things to talk about .. todays boys and girls.. he he..

Girls father : No problem.. We can arrange that .. We have to confess something.. we already showed your boys photo to our girl and she said she is okay with it..

Boys mother :(with sheepish grin) We have to confess that as well. We emailed her photo to him and he is okay as well.

Girls mother : What else is there . . this is all very good. Here, take our girls email address. This is her girls hostel phone. If you ask your boy to call this number and tell anyone who picks up the phone to get the girl in room 5, they will go get her. There is not much privacy in this phone. . maybe you can ask your son to call her in the local phone booth..

Boys father : You dont even have to tell us these things.. they will figure out a way!

Girls father : One more thing. Last month her best friend had come from America. That girl actully lives in the same city your son is living in ! She went there only last year, after she got married to a boy there. We told her that we are going to look for a groom for our daughter and she said there is this thing called "Blog " ! Apparently even my girl writes one ! Even we didnt know .. Her friend told us "give this address to the prospective grooms parents.. it will help !" So have this address also and pass it on to your boy..

Boys father : (alarm bells ringing on noticing the fact that there are people close to the girl who will unleash the detective service on his boy!).. Okay, okay, why dont you give me that address as well .. I will ask my son to check it out.. we do not have internet access at home. we had to actually go to an internet cafe to mail your daughters photo.

Scene Shift to Boys parents home :

mom : What is all this blog-keeg stuff .. why should the girl write about herself ? her father and mother are looking at horoscopes and are arranging her marriage so nicely

dad : just stop it will you ? How can you say anything without knowing what she has written . You talk as though she is looking for a boy on her own ! she probably writes about stuff at work or writes movie reviews for all you know ! But who knows ..

mom : No dear. Let me tell you. We better take it cautiously when it comes to this alliance. .we need to do some more inquiring about this girl.. our friend Gopal's daughter .. isn't she in bangalore also ? maybe we can ask her to go and talk to this girl ?

dad : You and your ideas ! I dont think his daughter is okay in the first place. I dont want her to go talk to this girl and give her ideas !

mom : Why dont the two of us go to the internet cafe and check out this "blog" and see what she has written ?

dad : We will do that tomorrow morning. First lets call our boy and give him the girls email, phone, address etc..

Phones Boy in US : Hello, ambi ?

guy : Dad !! .. Why are you calling me in the middle of the night and harassing me like this ? Did I not tell you that they are going to adjust the time this week for Daylight savings ? Did you forget already ?

dad : sorry! . In my excitement, I subtracted 1 1/2 hours instead of adding it to our time when doing the time difference calculation.. What is the time there now ?

guy : Yeah right ! Now that you woke me up, tell me real quick what the issue is so I can go back go bed

dad : We spoke to the girls parents. She is okay with everyting.

guy : (wide awake now) girl okay-ed the photo as well ?

dad : yeah. She okayed your photo .

guy : phone email address , they give you anything ?(pauses)

dad : yeah. They have given it .. here. write it down..

guy : (hears mom giving some sermon to dad in background).. I can hear mum bugging you in the background .. is there some problem ? She is also okay with the girl right ? (realizing that moms okay is by far the biggest item on the checklist)..

dad : no problem.. she is okay with the girl .. wait..she is grabbing the phone from my hands..why dont you talk to her yourself

mom : hello sweetie, just before we left, the girls dad said she writes something called a "blog".. that kind of made us sit back and think.. we are a little concerned. .

guy : (VERY WIDE AWAKE NOW !!) Really. Dont worry about this. it is no big deal. these days any college student has a blog. . this is not something to worry about .. (then realizing that he should not sound too happy on phone on the news of girls blogging, similar to him not openly expressing happiness on girls photo with jeans and t-shirt) Just in case, why dont you give me that address. I will check it out. I will also get to know what this girl is upto.. think of it as a good thing. If I find out that this wont work out just by looking at this blog, saves me the trouble of having to phone or email the girl and we can stop proceeding with this alliance. .

mom : (alarm bells ringing on fact that guy took it a lot less seriously than she thought he would).. Okay , I will hand the phone to your dad..

dad : here is the address.. dream_girl.blogspot.com .

boy : this is okay dad.. really !! These days most kids write blogs under a pen name or pseudonym. . nothing to worry about .

dad : (now really worried).. Son, are you also writing a blog by any chance

boy : (who realizing this is getting out of hand).. No way..Nothing like that. Lot of my friends write blogs.. every now and then I go read their blogs.. when do I have any time to do these things ? Okay dad.. I have to go to work early in the morning. Have a new deadline, and the India trip is coming up as well. . So let me hang up now.

dad : Okay. Go sleep .. We will call you tomorrow evening.

At this point the boy looks at the clock.. it is 3:30 AM. He goes staight to his computer and types "dream_girl.blogspot.com"...



Ps. dream_girl.blogspot.com does not exist..(no _ allowed in blogger ids)

pps. changed the name to gopal in the reference on suggestion..

28 Comments:

I am not responsible for comments posted by others... At 5:32 PM, Blogger thennavan wrote...

Sundar, I have sent an email :-)

 
I am not responsible for comments posted by others... At 7:06 PM, Blogger visithra wrote...

lol ingehyumma? adada nalla iruhke ;)

 
I am not responsible for comments posted by others... At 9:27 PM, Anonymous VK wrote...

super a irruku...nalla karpanai !!

 
I am not responsible for comments posted by others... At 10:29 PM, Blogger Sundar Narayanan wrote...

thennavan, thanks for the email.

visithra, ingehyumma-nna ?? please clarify .. malaysiavilayum idhe nadakkudha ?

vk, the dialogues are karpanai. but the bottomline is very real. know two guys here who have read all the girls post (100's of posts) before going to meet girl in india !!

 
I am not responsible for comments posted by others... At 12:57 AM, Blogger WA wrote...

:) really funny. Loved the name of the blog.

Day off nalla useful-aa spend paneenga polarukku LOL

 
I am not responsible for comments posted by others... At 9:42 AM, Blogger Sundar Narayanan wrote...

wa, yes. oru vaaram company shutdown for thanksgiving break !!

baby feeding, diaper changing, blogging, baby sitting, thalattu paading and blogging !!!

:)

anyways no sleep.. why not blog ?

 
I am not responsible for comments posted by others... At 10:15 AM, Blogger WA wrote...

Sundar - Talking about taalaatu paading :) Do sing her songs in tamil, I am convinced that it worked on my son. My Chithi used to sing nursery rhymes instead of thaalaatu for my cousin, got to check up on his Inglees knowledge :)) :))

Oru vaaram full-aa leave-aa??? Idhu aniyaayam :(( :((

 
I am not responsible for comments posted by others... At 10:31 AM, Blogger Sundar Narayanan wrote...

wa

avasarappattu endha mudivum edukkaadeenga..

we have to go "loss of pay" or cash in our vacation days from vacation account so company can reduce payroll expense for this week !!!

idhu bay area companiesla standard practice.. same thing during christmas.

they give you 20 days vacation a year but you are always forced to take 6/20 days during these two weeks.. so people who need to go to india/ china some other time of year get screwed !!

:(

as for thalattu, i am just singing jibberish like wondandi kannukutti etc..

 
I am not responsible for comments posted by others... At 10:55 AM, Blogger Swetha wrote...

Hi,
Very nice blog... I loved reading it as its been my experience too!!! Only diff, we mailed and spoke to each other before i revealed my private blog address to him!! :-) Nalla karpanai... movie-k karpani yezhudhalaam!!

 
I am not responsible for comments posted by others... At 10:58 AM, Blogger Sundar Narayanan wrote...

hi swetha,

welcome to this blog.

i think blogging is contributing to the match making process in more ways than we imagined!!

 
I am not responsible for comments posted by others... At 11:03 AM, Blogger Swetha wrote...

oops.. movie-ku script yezhudhalaam!! phone pasesindey yetho type pannitean!

 
I am not responsible for comments posted by others... At 11:05 AM, Blogger Swetha wrote...

thanx.. it sure did help my husband understand my interests and hobbies.. so, when we did meet, we didnt have to go thru these prelims! you have a baby?! thats gr8. no wonder u r taking this entire week off! :-)

 
I am not responsible for comments posted by others... At 2:36 PM, Blogger Balaji S Rajan wrote...

Sundarji wonderful imagination. The tamil accent is too good. So, you are a good writer too. Keep it up and come with more works....The way the lady wonders about bloggingna thappu thanda mathiri...is true. Most of our previous generation ladies used to wonder for nothing...

 
I am not responsible for comments posted by others... At 4:19 PM, Blogger ioiio wrote...

a cute one.. Naan ponnu paakkum bodhu indha technique use pannikkaren :)

But andha ponnu en blog padicha indha side thalaiye kaamikka maattaaley.. Will hav to delete the blog in that case..

 
I am not responsible for comments posted by others... At 8:12 PM, Blogger Sundar Narayanan wrote...

balaji sir, thanks.

sathya, unga blog mela innum konjam nambikkai vaiyunga sir !!

 
I am not responsible for comments posted by others... At 9:12 PM, Blogger ada-paavi!!!! wrote...

super kadhai, nalla irukku, enjoyed reading it,

 
I am not responsible for comments posted by others... At 9:51 PM, Blogger Anand Prabhu wrote...

nice imagination... blogs started creating friends and now a level higher than that.... hats off to blogs ;)

Namakku oru chance um kedaika matenguthe ;) ha ha

 
I am not responsible for comments posted by others... At 10:27 PM, Blogger Sundar Narayanan wrote...

vatsan thanks.

anand prabhu, welcome to this site. i have seen your site before.. you had done an audio blog which was linked to venkittu sir's page right ?

:)

 
I am not responsible for comments posted by others... At 7:44 AM, Blogger Anand Prabhu wrote...

yeah... you r right.. Keep visitng whe you have time.. nice blog you have got here :)

 
I am not responsible for comments posted by others... At 9:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous wrote...

hi Sundar.

it is a nice satire of south indian marriage and related conversations. I am really surprised how u r able to spend time on this despite office work load and considerable time taken for travel. real good imagination.
Best wishes - R S Rajaram, Chennai

 
I am not responsible for comments posted by others... At 11:41 AM, Blogger Srividya wrote...

HAHA... damn good

 
I am not responsible for comments posted by others... At 2:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous wrote...

HI sundar.
That was a very hilarious but practical write up regarding the south Indian weddings.
I guess I would require your help very badly, hence could you please pass me your email address? mine is srivaradhan.office@gmail.com
Many thanks in advance.

Varadhan

 
I am not responsible for comments posted by others... At 7:11 PM, Blogger Emmy wrote...

Check out this documentary on arranged marriage.

http://www.vancouveriam.com/videos/caa28d371db1

Support young journalists.

 
I am not responsible for comments posted by others... At 8:22 AM, Blogger Dr. (To Be) Priya wrote...

Hi Sundar,
I was just googling the modern outlook of south indian marriages, and ongaloda blog kadichuththu!
this, I believe, is like a love-cum arranged marriage.. :D
Indha maathri evalo paerku nadandhirkumo :P
Priya

 
I am not responsible for comments posted by others... At 6:37 AM, Anonymous MarriageCounselorOrangeCounty wrote...

I give the Tribulation Of An Arranged Marriage because its good and in india most of people do arrange marriage.

marriage counselor orange county

 
I am not responsible for comments posted by others... At 10:00 AM, Blogger Nitin wrote...

Plane Wedding Indian Culture would hope that your criteria for a marriage partner were deeper than her relationship with her Partner.Who is that person fell in love with? What are his or her values? Are they compatible with my own? The woman rules the household de-facto, without screaming for authority. The man is the head of the household , but the real power lies with the woman. And women in those cultures know how to command that power without screaming in her life with life partnar.


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I am not responsible for comments posted by others... At 6:40 AM, Anonymous Wedding gardens in Indore wrote...

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