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Monday, March 10, 2008

Could it be?

My wife seems to get on my nerves exactly the same way my mom used to get on my dad's nerves.

If your thought process is drifting towards "Sundar, don't be stupid. San and your mom are both women. You and your dad are men. This is standard operating procedure!",now, hold that thought.

There are a million variations of annoying a guy. My MIL pisses off my FIL, but her modus operandi is completely different. The irritation factor is there, but the things that irritate FIL are way different than things that irriate my dad! I also get to observe similar phenomena with my brother, BIL, friends, other relatives.

Okay, now if you are thinking "Sundar, But you and your dad are genetically similar. Maybe the same things piss you off!".

Granted that I grew up swearing to myself, not to be like my dad when growing up, but invariably the genetics catch up and Sundar at 35 is not very different from his dad at 35. Sundar at 12 was a lot different from his dad at 42, but who knew!

Still, it takes two to tango, or foxtrot, or waltz, or quick step or viennese waltz for that matter. That said, San is not genetically related to my mom! Then how come she manages to tick me off, the same way my mom irritates my dad? This got me thinking last night...

Is San becoming who she is because she has to constantly deal with me? Is that because I am increasingly approaching my dad as I grow older? Or am I becoming who I am because of constantly dealing with her? Are we essentially reliving what my parents lived through? How come we are not reliving what her parents went through when she was young? Or was it very similar? Does this mean that my kids are going to suffer a lot? Why do I sound like Deepak Chopra? etc. etc.

A million (okay, okay, a few dozen!) questions race through my mind now. At this point, cannot even think of a scientific experiment to prove or disprove any of these thoughts! Well, we watched Deepak Chopra on PBS, so at least the last question has an answer.

Should we even bother with the "will try to be different than our parents" bit? Is it pure naivete that drives us to think we will be any better than our parents when we are kids and once we have kids of our own, we grow up and realize why they were always pressed for time, tense, unable to focus a lot of times, make the decisions they made, etc. etc.

As I am about to hit the bed, can only think of one thing an ex-boss told me when his second kid was born (this was during my bachelor days).

"The world has two types of people. People who go through parenting and people who don't!"

Seems to sum up my thoughts for the day!

ps. Apparently this post makes it look like I am "Buddha" personified and that fact alone is getting on her nerves!

pps. We don't always irritate each other. Only when we bark orders to the other person when screaming kids are involved.

ppps. I get on her nerves as much as she gets on mine, but this is MY blog!! ha ha ha..

pppps. The ppps. should have read "I get on her nerves much much more than she gets on mine".. (Thanks to a reader for pointing that out..)


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I am not responsible for comments posted by others... At 10:34 AM, Blogger Swetha Harish wrote...

This is so true! I keep wondering too. My hubby and dad have uncannily similar traits.. and they irritate their wifes the same way!!! When my dad did something, it never irritated me (but it did my mom!).. but when my hubby does the same, i get extremely irritated... whats happening?!!

I am not responsible for comments posted by others... At 10:00 PM, Blogger dipali wrote...

Can't escape morphing into our parents, can we?
Great piece. But my husband and father irritate me in very very different ways.

I am not responsible for comments posted by others... At 6:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous wrote...


you want my pet theory? boys/men are taught "spousal behaviour" by their mothers. obviously, a mother would mould her son to be what would have been the ideal man for her.

unfortunately, by then, the girls available to him to select from (or ready to select him) are already one generation ahead. and it is impossible for a man to ever catch up.

no wonder in any m-i-l vs. d-i-l issues, the m-i-l wonders what d-i-l is finding wrong with her darling son, and d-i-l wonders what the heck caused this old lady to train her son this way!

- s.b.

p.s. - this theory applies only to desis who "undergo" arranged marriages. else the survival of the fittest ensures that either the male or the female (or both) adjust in a relationship.

p.p.s. - this is an unapproved theory, so i reserve the right to take it back if so pressured! ;-) it is your blog, but i can see that you've done some good cya yourself!!

I am not responsible for comments posted by others... At 1:30 PM, Blogger mitr_bayarea wrote...


aaha...quite true about how the buck is passed down the generations, in our case, our interactions seem more comparable to my maternal grand parents than with our parents.

I am not responsible for comments posted by others... At 9:09 AM, Anonymous prabukarthik wrote...

But sundar, as a happily married couple, is it not each of your birthright, privilege and tradition to irritate each other??

parambarai parambaraya oru nalla tradition irukaradhu nalladhu dhaan freeya vidunga :)

I am not responsible for comments posted by others... At 10:34 PM, Blogger Sundar Narayanan wrote...

swetha, it is time and perspective. you have to be a certain age for certain things to irritate you! I am just figuring this out..

dipali, well said. you summed it up nicely. We cannot escape morphing into our parents!

s.b., the comment as more cya than the post! your theory does have some merit, although it wont be recognized by half the populace.. you know which half I am talking about.

mitr, didnt know there is atavistic tendencies in this trait.. good to know!

pk, engappa poiduva.. unakkum seekiram kalyaanam aagadhan poguthu.. appo, naan unakku funda poduven! idhu sathiyam!


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